My first salary. Happy or sad? Either?

*These was only my heart talking.

Now, I wanna to type off what I'm feeling right now. After my employer hand over my first salary. Even though I've been published this post to this blog, means that it probably readable for anyone. Actually I prefer not to let everyone to read this but I knew, only a some who was concerned and willing to visit this boring blog. And I decided not to send this post's link to my Facebook as I used to do with the other posts before.

It was a wait. A little bit not more than the wait that I had felt while waiting for having a job since coming back home from KISAS. As the first day of March peeked the week, the wait was began. Waiting for my right. For the change of my strength that had been used as much as I can to the book store for the greater service. Finally my employee only hand over the cash 4 days after that. I got RM 456.15 for the past month's salary. (Basic salary RM 500.00, deducted by RM 41.60, for the Chinese New Year holiday and RM 2.25 for SOCSO, a kind of insurance, by these, I got my salary).

Then, not only that, since I had been hired by my employer by 25th January, I got extra for the extra days. I got RM 96.25 (5 days on the Jan's times RM 19.25 per day). Total salary: RM 456.15 + RM 96.25 = RM 552.40. Huhu, seems not bad huh.

What I've been planned before?
Many. I mean, not too many and not too special. This was my list that I've been jot down on my Papermate Sticky Note.
FIRST LIST
1. New wrist watch
2. Facial Cleanser
3. Water gloss hair wax.
4. Deodorant.
5. Replace my spectacle's lens. (I'm getting blurred)
6. Buy Zehann's novel online.
7. New haircut.
8. New keyboard, mouse for the computer.
9. New earpiece for my MP3. 
Approximately: RM 250.
I also planned to:
SECOND LIST
1. Sent a hundred to my dad.
2. Give a hundred to my mom.
3. Treat my family.
4. Bank in around a hundred or hundred and a half for days in Klang.
Approximately: RM 300

But, this list just remained listed. I didn't think these could be fulfilled. This was my new list:
THIRD LIST
1. New wrist watch.
2. New haircut.
3. Some toiletries.
4. Expenditure for my trip to Klang for the SPM result. For 3 days.
*And I only got RM 200

I did call my mom before she arrived to catch me up from work and I'm saying, "Mom, let's go to KFC tonight." She seems glad in her voice. Then, when I told her I got RM 550+ when riding the car, she said she's tired, next time we can spend time there.

She got a hundred and she needed a hundred more for paying car installment. Total: RM 200. I knew, the real value needed was RM 300. Then I noticed, goods in our house was getting finished. I only got RM 550+, so what I need to do??

I had made a decision. I'll takes RM 200 and the rest I'll hand it to my mom. And I've done it. I just able to fulfilled the THIRD LIST with this RM 200. Plus, for my way to KISAS back. This situation made me a little bit upset.

Then, I kept telling myself. Be grateful, be grateful. Try to be grateful to Allah, better than nothing. And I've made it. I'm really grateful with what I've got now. But I can't hide the other feeling out of my heart. Kind of disappointed. I worked hard, and faced many tough work, I felt like this was not worth it. Yes, I admit that through all the days on the store, I also tried to make myself done the best, and to be sincere. So, the tire was not seems to appear. But, I still could feel the hard work. Anyway,  mine was not bad enough compared to my friends. They only got RM 450+.

The only things I wanna expressed here, that I'm so sad for the not-could-be-fulfilled-list. Huhu. Never mind, maybe next time. InsyaAllah, I'll get a better tomorrow.

O Allah, I'm not trying to grumble what had been fated for me. I'm just expressing what I felt. Please, I beg You, Please strengthen my faith for facing any of your test, forgive my sins, and may all the things happened hided some hikmah(meaning). Put away any sedition of the Devil that could made me lost, and being ungrateful. Amin...